What a well-written article. But I actually don't think this is your fault, unlike most of the commenters. I actually think this is almost 80% your ex-husband's fault.

If something is bothering a spouse, it's their job to bring it up. Lots of little things irritate me about my husband, but I tell him about them. I have done my best to never expect him to be a mind reader. And even if it's a "big thing" like forgetting an anniversary, if I don't say it bothers me, then it's not his fault. It's mine.

And same the other way. I'm a much better communicator than he is and I often say that if he doesn't talk to me about things, I can't change them. I'm not going to guess what is bothering him.

If a small dang light switch bothered your husband that much, he should have said something when it happened--or had a conversation afterward. You can't be expected to know whether something is bothering him.

My two cents, anyway.