Since I was about fifteen years old, I have always been the love guru in my friend circle. The matchmaker. The wingwoman. The dating profile hacker.
Though I didn’t date a ton myself, I spent three years researching everything that was out there in social science about friendships, romance, and relationships. Then I applied it to my twenty-somethings friends who were down on their luck and desperate for love.
And I started to notice a pattern. There were certain steps along the process to falling in love that almost everyone used, subconsciously or otherwise. Something would feel right — and two weeks later, they were dating. Or something would feel off and it would predict a nasty breakup. So I watched from the sidelines and started taking notes.
When I realized I wanted to make closer friendships, I started applying some of the lessons I learned to my own relationships. I’d heard a lot about platonic love and had missed out on close childhood or high school friends. Over the next few years, dozens of my friends fell in romantic love with me (often much to my chagrin and confusion) and I eventually had to learn to dial it back.
